Film Review - Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones

This fifth instalment of Star Wars, episode two in chronological order, is something of a departure for George Lucas. The film does not deal with what we have come to expect as traditional Star Wars subject matter. True, the Jedi are present, as are the usual selection of droids and disfigured aliens and the focus is, as always, the battle between good and evil. However, where this film differs from its predecessors is in the titular clones. They are not, as would be expected, some paramilitary group bred to be perfect fighting machines, killing efficiently and without mercy. They are agricultural produce and more precisely, potatoes. The plot is as follows.

Genetic modification of plants and produce within the Republic has culminated in the cloning of all foodstuffs. Every single pea, tomato or grain of rice is identical in every respect, having been created from the same template. Count Dooku, a rebel Jedi, played with conviction by Christopher Lee, sees this reliance on a singular vegetable design as a weakness that he can exploit in order to gain power. Having sided himself with the Sith, Dooku finds himself some like-minded souls and together they alter the Republic’s perfect potato template. This tampering goes undetected by the senate and the Jedi whose powers are waning, unbeknownst to all put the select few comprising the Jedi council. When the next batch of potatoes is produced, it quickly becomes apparent that they are inedible and as a result there is a substantial shortage of food for the planets within the trade federation. This is all very reminiscent of the Irish potato famine. The reason is that Lucas used that tragedy as the basis for his story. There are many aspects that are borrowed wholesale from Irish history, but the whole package is given a Star Wars spin.

In order to combat the effects of starvation on such a grand scale, there is only one thing that the Jedi can do and that is to plunge itself wholesale into emergency farming. It is soon decided that the best course of action would be to farm rice as the new staple food of the Republic, rather than try and repair the damaged potato gene. To try and retrieve the original template would be time-consuming and time is something that the Jedi do not have. The majority of the remainder of the film is taken up with scenes of various Jedi up to their knees in paddy fields or in the case of Obi Wan Kenobi, tilling fields, as the planet to which he is sent does not have the climate to support rice production. These images are occasionally interrupted with scenes of
Count Dooku laughing maniacally at the success of his plan.

The film is overlong and any children in the audience soon become restless, particularly during the romantic scenes of Anakin and Amidala. One in particular, set during a meal of boiled rice, contains Anakin pushing a grain of rice towards Amidala with his nose in a referential nod to ‘the Lady and the Tramp’. It is quite sickening and you question the editing process when scenes such as this remain. However, if you do manage to sit still for two hours, you are rewarded at the denouement. The centrepiece of the entire picture is one of the most staggering spectacles ever witnessed on the big screen. It is a chase scene featuring Yoda and Dooku and for a brief period Obi Wan and Annakin. It is twenty minutes of unrivalled action, during which Yoda chases Dooku round and round a table trying to snatch Dooku’s plans for the Death Star, before Dooku eventually escapes up some very steep steps which Yoda, with his shorter stature, unfortunately cannot scale. The closing shot is of Count Dooku giving Yoda ‘the bird’.

Episode two is an improvement on its immediate predecessor with a brave choice of subject matter. It probably ranks above Ewoks II: The Battle for Endor, but below Return of the Jedi. It is worth seeing if only for the grand climax. The stage is now set for episode three.